Deciding to end a marriage is rarely a simple choice. It requires clear thinking, emotional composure, and strategic planning to ensure the best possible outcome for your future. If you are facing the possibility of a split, you need actionable, straightforward guidance on how to navigate the road ahead. In this video blog, Ken Jewell explores the critical timing of a divorce, how to initiate these difficult conversations constructively, and why managing your emotions early in the process gives you the best chance of achieving a favorable resolution.
Is There Ever a “Right” Time to Get a Divorce?
The right time to get a divorce is when you recognize that your marriage is irretrievably broken. What it means for a marriage to be irretrievably broken is that you do not have any hope of reconciling your differences to maintain a functioning marriage, or that there is no hope of building a new kind of marriage because things have changed so much that you do not want to return to the old style of the relationship.
How Does Your Timing Impact the Process?
Timing in a divorce is very important. If you present the idea that you want a divorce in a highly emotionally charged state, during an argument, or in a way that causes your spouse to become defensive, you are just going to create an environment of back-and-forth conflict that will not get you to where you want to be. If, however, you decide to sit your spouse down and have a conversation about your feelings and how the marriage is not working for you, without casting blame or making your spouse feel guilty by keeping the focus on yourself, you are much more likely to have a successful conversation and determine together how you are going to proceed.
How Do You Recommend Initiating the Divorce Conversation With a Spouse?
The best way to initiate a divorce conversation with your spouse is to find a quiet moment at a time when you can both agree to talk without distractions. You must be honest and forthright about how you feel and how you want to wind down the marriage, avoiding any kind of blaming or picking a time when your spouse is busy. If the conversation becomes heated or an argument begins to ensue, stop the conversation immediately and find another time to talk, because escalating the situation will only reinforce your frustration without helping you move forward. Keep in mind that not every spouse will be receptive to getting divorced; sometimes, you will need the assistance of counsel to guide you in moving the process along without creating unnecessary arguing.
Why Might Someone Choose to Separate Instead of Filing for Divorce Right Away?
You may choose separation as opposed to going down the road of divorce if you are unsure that you want to end the marriage. In other words, the marriage has gotten to a point where it is untenable for you to continue in it. But for whatever reason, you still love the person. You still want to remain married to them, and you want to find a way to move forward. The idea of separation is actually a good one because if you move out, and after a period of, say, three, four, five, or even six months, you realize that you’re happier without your spouse, then you’ll understand that the decision to divorce is the correct one and move forward. What you don’t want to do is initiate the divorce when you’re unsure and then find yourself creating relationship injury on both sides because all bets are off. And the two of you feel that you’re giving up something in a marriage that wasn’t working for you, and resentment will be created and may even dictate how the divorce proceeds.
How Do Emotions Influence the Choice Between Separating and Divorcing?
Emotions play a very significant role in whether you choose to separate from your spouse or divorce them. If you are highly emotional or unsure about the decision to end the marriage, it may be in your best interest to simply separate rather than immediately filing for divorce. By separating, you put yourself in a quiet and peaceful environment away from the regular back-and-forth that created those emotions, allowing you to truly understand whether you want to proceed. If you rush straight to divorce and later realize you wanted to reconcile, you may have created a level of relationship injury that causes your spouse to decide they want the divorce, leaving you in a situation you did not ultimately want. Because this is such a highly emotional decision, it is always best to proceed with the help of a mental health professional who can help you sort out your feelings and the emotions being triggered.
If you are navigating divorce, contact us to see how we can assist you.