When you are getting a divorce or after it’s finalized, dealing with parenting concerns can be especially difficult. Your relationship with your spouse or ex is usually strained, so discussing his or her behavior toward your child is likely to be stressful. However, verbal or emotional abuse is still abuse, and for the sake of your child, you need to take action.
New York Child Custody Laws
Generally, New York courts favor joint custody and giving both parents an equal opportunity to have a strong relationship with their child. Judges also prefer that parents work out their own custody and/or parenting time arrangements. However, if there is a dispute, judges determine what is in the best interests of the child based on various statutory factors.
Courts won’t award or change custody or restrict parenting time solely based on one parent’s allegations of inappropriate behavior by the other parent. A parent must demonstrate abuse, neglect or a drug or alcohol problem that genuinely interferes with the other parent’s ability to parent the child. Even then, because each child has the right to have a relationship with each parent, the court is more likely to impose certain conditions on parenting time rather than eliminate it. For example, the court might require a parent to take parenting classes, get drug treatment or submit to supervised visitation.
How to Address Verbal Abuse of Your Child By Your Spouse
The first step is to try to discuss the issue with your spouse or ex. You can suggest therapy, anger management or parenting classes to help your spouse manage his or her behavior.
You should always document all incidents of abuse with as much detail as possible. This information will be needed where your spouse doesn’t improve and you have to go to court. Video recording may be used although some courts will frown upon it, particularly if the child is aware he or she is being recorded. Thus, try to record as unobtrusively as possible and discuss the issue with your attorney.
If the abuse continues, court intervention may be necessary. Typically, the court will first appoint an attorney for the child to represent the child’s interest, determine the child’s wishes and concerns and report what the child says to the judge. If that doesn’t help settle the matter, a forensic psychologist, psychiatrist or mental health professional may be appointed to assess the situation, talk with the family and other witnesses and provide information to the judge. Importantly, the attorney for the child and forensic psychologist will talk with and evaluate both parents, not just the one accused of verbal abuse. Parents can address any findings about them in the reports.
If the parties still can’t settle their conflicts after the report is issued, the judge will decide after a trial.
What Not to Do
While it’s upsetting to know your child is being verbally abused, you should not try to keep your child away from your spouse without court permission. That includes bad-mouthing your spouse to influence your child to reject visits with your spouse. Courts will not support a parent who interferes with the other parent’s relationship with the child without a showing of abuse or neglect of the children. This is known as parental alienation.I It occurs when a parent withholds visitation or a child refuses to see their other parent because it can be demonstrated that the parent created or exacerbated the child’s animosity towards the other parent.
If you are considering divorce or experiencing conflicts with your ex regarding child custody or visitation, contact us for a consultation to discuss how we can help.