December is often a time when we look back on the past year and think about what we want for the new year. If you’re having problems with your spouse, one thing you may be contemplating is the future of your marriage. Do you think you can resolve your differences? Should you stay married? Divorce is a significant step, so you shouldn’t jump into it without careful consideration. Take this time to ask yourself some important questions:
1. Do you love your spouse and why?
You should love your spouse for who they are, not who you want them to be. There should be something special and unique about them that makes you feel love and passion for them. Loving them because they are attractive, provide economic security, are a good parent or other similar reason is not enough.
2. What has changed to make you consider leaving the marriage?
Are there longstanding conflicts or has something happened more recently that affected your relationship? Do you feel your marriage has just gotten stale? It’s normal for people and feelings to change, but if you cannot see a solution or compromise that will make you happy or you no longer see a way to fall in love again, then you probably cannot save your marriage.
3. Have you been honest with your spouse?
Generally, you should share your feelings with your spouse and try to resolve your conflicts together or with the help of a mental health professional. If you’re keeping it inside, you’re not being fair to your spouse.
4. Are you willing to take steps to try to save your marriage?
Ideally, before you contact an attorney, you should talk to a therapist or marriage counselor who can help you to explore your feelings alone and/or with your spouse. If you do want to try to reconcile, a neutral professional can also help you improve communication between the both of you and offer practical tips to aid in handling conflicts outside therapy.
The end of the year is often busy and stressful because of the holidays. Your marriage, however, is important. Carve out the time to think about what is good and bad in your life, and what you are willing and able to try to fix. This way you can start the new year with a commitment to make positive changes in your life.
If you decide to separate or divorce or think that your spouse wants that, contact us to learn how we can assist you in your divorce and moving on to the next stage of your life.