During divorce, you may have little reason to communicate with your spouse. Your attorney will discuss legal matters with your spouse’s attorney, so you can avoid direct conversations. However, there may be times when you do need to speak to each other, especially if you have children. In these situations, it is best to follow a few basic rules.
Stay Neutral
It’s normal for discussions with your spouse to be difficult and emotional. However, you should attempt to stay calm and make neutral statements. Do not be antagonistic, insulting or demeaning. No threats or name calling either. You don’t want any behavior held against you, make matters worse with your spouse, and/or prolong the divorce process.
Consider Communicating in Writing Only
If your divorce involves a high degree of tension and conflict, or there is domestic violence or emotional abuse, you should avoid verbal conversations. Written communications are best because there is a record of what both parties say. In a verbal discussion, there is no record and no way to prove your spouse said something inappropriate that would have helped your case.
Use Email
Email is a good method of communication because it is easy to save and print messages. You can also blind copy (bcc) your attorney on an email, so he or she also has a copy. While you can save text messages, there are extra steps involved.
Have Someone Review Your Written Communications
If you are having difficulty remaining neutral or you’re dealing with a difficult spouse, it may be helpful to have a third party (friend, relative, attorney) read your email/text before sending it. This way you have a second opinion on what you’re writing.
Keep Your Children in Mind
If you’re a parent, it’s critical that you try to be respectful and cordial with your spouse whenever possible for the sake of your kids. They will be looking at how both of you act toward each other. You need to find a way to cooperate and communicate effectively. If necessary, consult a mental health professional or child or family counselor for assistance.
You may feel like you’ll never recover from divorce, but you will. Your wounds will heal. In the meantime, keep communication as simple and basic as possible, and discuss concerns with your attorney.
If you are considering a divorce, contact us to learn how we can help you achieve a positive result in your case.
