It’s not unusual for couples to be uncomfortable talking about money. Our society and many families teach us to avoid financial discussions and/or be embarrassed about sharing financial information. However, talking about finances before marriage can minimize conflicts later. Raising money issues with a fiancé, especially in the context of requesting a prenuptial agreement, unfortunately, can be taken the wrong way. Before you find yourself in this situation, there are some tactics to help you avoid damaging your relationship when asking for a prenup.
Explain the Advantages of a Prenuptial Agreement
Contrary to popular belief, a prenup is not solely designed to help wealthy people protect their assets in a divorce. One of the most important benefits of a prenup is that it compels each party to fully disclose their finances and encourages discussions about those issues. Couples will eventually share details of their income, assets and debt as well as their financial values and expectations for the marriage. By sharing this information now and deciding how they will deal with financial issues during their marriage, they can minimize money problems later.
A prenup also addresses potential conflicts that may arise with second marriages, inherited wealth, death and estate planning, legal separation and divorce.
Understanding why a prenup is helpful and how it can benefit both sides can minimize your fiancé’s fears that you think the marriage will end. In fact, prenups can make a relationship stronger as doing so will cause you to learn how to talk about and resolve difficult issues early on – a tool you will need as your marriage proceeds over the long term.
Encourage Your Fiancé to Thoroughly Review the Agreement
You should present the idea of a prenup well in advance of the wedding date, at least six months to a year before. Encourage your fiancé to hire an independent attorney to negotiate, review and explain the terms of the agreement to him or her. Your fiancé should additionally have sufficient time to read and go over the agreement with his or her attorney before signing as well as feel comfortable discussing and negotiating it with you directly. Being open to these kinds of conversations will help you learn how to navigate issues that your fiancée is sensitive to and demonstrate that you care about your fiancée and his or her feelings in settling your differences. Inherent in helping them to understand and negotiate the terms of the prenup also helps ensure that the agreement is deemed valid and enforceable by a court in the event it is challenged later.
If you are dismissive of questions from your fiancé or unwilling to negotiate, he or she is going to be uncomfortable with the agreement. You will also injure your relationship. Even if the agreement is signed, that resentment is likely to linger and fester ultimately affecting your marriage in a less than positive way.
Discuss Why You Are Seeking Certain Terms
If you have disputes about the distribution of assets or the level of support, explain your feelings. Maybe you’re getting pressure from family members, or you and your fiancé are making assumptions about what the other one can afford or will spend. It’s best to be open and honest so neither of you feels like you’re being taken advantage of or that you’re trying to unfairly avoid sharing wealth.
Make Sure the Terms Are Fair and Reasonable
You should work with an experienced attorney who can advise you regarding the fairness of the agreement based on your circumstances. Prenups are flexible and can be adapted to address a wide range of scenarios.
The goal in requesting a prenup is to minimize potential problems, not create new ones. By handling a prenup correctly, you can make your marriage stronger. However, if you do it poorly and either of you feels that the agreement isn’t fair, it’s going to damage your relationship.
If you are considering a prenuptial agreement, contact us for a consultation.
