In a contentious divorce, it’s not unusual for kids to pick up on their parents’ negative views toward each other. However, it’s up to parents to keep their children from adopting those feelings toward one or both parents. Unfortunately, some parents don’t do that. They hinder visitation, criticize the other parent to their children and pressure children to pick sides. These kinds of actions can lead to claims of interfering with the parent-child relationship, which can have serious repercussions in child custody cases.
New York Public Policy
In New York, public policy recognizes that a child has a right to a relationship with each parent. Importantly, although parents also have a right to a relationship with their children, courts view this through the lens of the child. It’s in a child’s best interests to have a relationship and parents cannot interfere without showing abuse or neglect by the parent.
Accordingly, in custody disputes, one of the statutory factors that courts consider is “[e]ach parent’s ability to cooperate with the other parent and to encourage a relationship with him or her, when it is safe to do so.” If a parent gets in the way of the parent-child relationship, the judge will look unfavorably on the parent.
Consequences of Interfering with Your Spouse’s Relationship with Your Children
You may genuinely have concerns about the other parent’s actions or parenting ability. Maybe the other parent has a history of drug or alcohol problems or has a romantic partner you don’t like. However, that alone doesn’t give you the right to interfere with the other parent’s relationship with your children at least without court intervention and direction.
If you try to hinder visitation or poison your child’s mind against the other parent, it can be used against you in court. The judge can take it into account in deciding custody and visitation particularly if your actions constituted parental alienation. For example, creating or exacerbating animosity between your child and the other parent that leads to your child refusing to see the other parent can be considered parental alienation.
Your actions may also affect your relationship with your children, especially if you exaggerate or lie about the other parent. They may resent you or feel they can no longer trust or confide in you. Your children need a safe and stable environment, not to be pulled into the middle of a fight. They shouldn’t feel like one or both parents don’t care about them or are bad people.
Addressing Concerns About the Other Parent
You shouldn’t ignore troubling behavior by the other parent. If the other parent is bad-mouthing you, interfering with your relationship with your children or you’re worried about the safety of your children, you should document these actions and talk with your attorney about how to address your concerns. If the other parent is abusing or neglecting your children, you will need proof and may consider, with an attorney’s guidance, contacting a child protective services organization.
If you are considering divorce or already divorced and experiencing conflicts with your ex regarding child custody or visitation, contact us for consultation to learn how we can help.